A Fantastic Woman

Yesterday I had a delightful conversation with my friend Anamika. I haven’t met her in a while and since she’s now moved to my side of the hood, catching up over coffee and soul food is going to be mandatory. In the midst of discussing life and other disasters, she said something that struck a chord with me. 

While talking about feminism, what it means to be a woman and sharing our unfortunate experiences of just being a woman, she brought up the Hindi song “Kuch Toh Log Kahenge” from the 1971 film Amar Prem, starring Sharmila Tagore and the late Rajesh Khanna. If you need a translation to the lyrics, click here.

She continued to remind me of the lyrics. The chorus translates to “people will say something, it’s their job to talk about or have an opinion on something”. But, more specifically, she brought me to the line- “tu kaun hai tera naam hai kya sita bhi yahaan badnaam huyi”, which literally means to- “You're a nobody here, even (the goddess) Sita was slandered here”. 

Context to the slandering- according to the Ramayana, written by Valmiki, when Goddess Sita was finally rescued from the clutches of the demon-king Raavana and brought back to Lord Ram, her chastity was questioned. 

I started pondering- here’s a woman who was kidnapped, incarcerated and possibly made to go through hell in captivity. And if stories of women being in captivity have taught us anything, she possibly underwent abuse of many kinds. 

But what does she endure upon her return to her husband? She’s questioned on her purity. On whether she saved herself for her husband and not be scarred by her captor. And the best part? She was questioned by the same people she loved, and who adored her back.

So, like any other woman who has to prove herself and not just say it with words, she agreed to an ‘Agni Parkisha’, or a ‘Test by Fire’, which stated that if she walked through fire and came out unscathed, she’s been untouched by any other man. She’s pure. If not, well, she burns to her ashes, without even getting a dang hug upon her return from torment. 

Obviously, she passed the test. She’s a

goddess after all. But nonetheless, had to prove her sincerity and loyalty. 

While writing this, I had so many questions. So much anger. And exasperation. 

And it got me thinking further. This

piece of our religion is a testament to how women are treated, not just in our culture, but across the world. 

In Christianity, Mother Mary is a virgin. Mary had a husband. And she conceived a child, the Messiah, and still remained a virgin. A miraculous bestowing by God, as opposed to a medically induced one, which I may add, would still be more believable. Also would be the plot of the sitcom Jane the Virgin.

If you visit the Vatican, there’s a beautiful statue of Mother Mary holding a dead Jesus on her lap after his crucifixion. It’s called The Pieta by Michelangelo Buonarroti. Visibly she’s sculpted much smaller than her son she’s holding because prominence is to be given to the saviour. Up close, you’ll notice her face looks much younger than that of her son’s. And it’s been done on purpose. To show her innocence, her flower still intact. Her purity personified. Her purpose being reduced to nothing but a life-giver to the man who was their saviour. 

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not mocking any of this. But I AM questioning it. 

We give so much prevalence to goddesses, but fail to respect their stories, their contributions. No matter how epic their powers and thoughts, they’ll always be second fiddle to the almighty man. Never equals. 

So how can we expect society to treat mortal women with integrity and humility? 

It’s women’s day today, and we’re living in times where a hashtag is given more prominence than reality. Where we have to campaign to get our voices heard for respect, integrity, equality. Where an extreme incident leads to candle marches, debates and rallies. Where some women themselves are guilty of promoting archaic beliefs and keeping themselves unliberated from the shackles of societal conditioning.

I’m asking for a world where this shouldn’t even be something to fight for. Where treating women fairly, justly and respectfully should be ingrained in our principles, our thinking.

Life starts with us, in us. But, we deserve so much more than just being vessels of mortality. We are more than our bodies. We are more than your perceptions. 

So while you're figuring out how to treat a woman with dignity, save your contrived, misogynistic opinions dripping with patriarchy, and let us live our lives as unabashedly and unapologetically as men do.

Till then, here's to all the fantastic women I have the pleasure of knowing. May you continue to inspire, nurture, achieve, believe and love.

No apologies. No regrets. No prisoners.

Image courtesy: Sarika Joshi